I can’t remember what show it was, but years ago I remember hearing someone refer to their best friend as, “their person.” Their person is the one who they tell all secrets to, go to for all advice. They can call them any time of any day to head to the mall or just walk into the front door without knocking. This person knows all of your secrets, fears, hopes, dreams, kid’s birthdays, and then some. More and more of people I know have somebody like this in their life. Seeing this has made me wonder, geez, why don’t I have a person!?
I’ve always had a lot of friends (acquaintances may be a better word), but never really anybody quite this close (aside from my fantastic husband). I always have wanted this type of friendship, who wouldn’t, but could never figure out what I was doing wrong? Why didn’t people like me enough to call like they do others? Then it hit me, it’s completely my fault. I’m doing it all wrong! My problem is my wall.
I have a ginormous wall up. It’s there, it has barbwire, an electric fence, guards with tasers, attack dogs, anything you can think of to keep people out, this wall has it! Everyone’s a little different, but in my case the reason is all trust. You can only be hurt so many times until eventually this wall just shows up. You may not even realize it’s happening, but it does. There are two things that go hand and hand when this occurs, 1) People may want to be your friend, but they may not understand why you keep pushing them away. This will probably make them stop trying eventually and 2) when you trust God and learn how to forgive others, you will find it easier to let people in!
There it is, that’s what I had to do! Trust God and forgive! Oh, but forgiveness is so hard, isn’t it? There have been a lot of people in my life who hurt me. A lot. Some I don’t speak to and probably will never speak to again. However, I made the decision to forgive. I promise you, when I finally did this, there was a weight that was lifted from my shoulders! All of these years of holding a grudge and being unforgiving probably had no impact at all on these people. You know who it hurt the most? Me.
I was sabotaging my own happiness!
Did the person (which could be “your person”) reaching out to you hurt you? Nope, probably not. Are you being unfair in keeping them away and not being the same friend to them as they want to be to you? YES, yes you are! And, you probably don’t even realize it because you cannot see over that wall!
Forgive and knock those walls down! If you’re having a hard time with this, ask God to give you the strength to forgive. It’s not easy, at all. But, it’ll get you a step closer to finding your person, that is if you want one. Maybe you’re a one-man wolf-pack, if so, forgiveness will free you from the burden of hate! Who wouldn’t want that?
This doesn’t mean you need to keep allowing the same people to hurt you over and over continuously. This just means you are no longer hurting yourself.
Forgiveness really is a beautiful thing.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
– Ephesians 4:31-32