Life

I’m wearing my damn shirt.

November 1, 2020November 1, 2020 slowpaceandgraceLeave a comment

My kids and I all watch the debates and follow elections closely. We discuss and Anthony and I never impose our views onto them. I love hearing their fresh take on who they are supporting this election and why. We have a mix in the household, always have. Anthony and I caucused in the 2016 Republican nominee election, he for Cruz, myself for Rubio.

Things have changed in 4 years for me personally. However, we still show love in this house. We don’t call names to others who don’t have the same opinion. What we do stay away from are the bullies. Calling others names, intimidation, ignorant comments are forms of bullying. You don’t have to attack those who have opposing beliefs. You can coexist. However, I cannot coexist with bullies.

I left my high school my junior year because of bullying. Said goodbye to Sanford High because of bullies. There were rumors that I was pregnant and that’s why I left. No. I was told to kill myself. To not show my face in public again. I would come to town and my car would be blocked in and I would have to call the police. Hard to do in 1999 without a cell phone and in your car. There were other rumors of course, but nobody ever asked me about them directly. So, my supportive parents quietly packed us up and moved me to Milton. A high school junior in a world with people I didn’t know.

I don’t tolerate bullying.

So when Aiden said, “Mom, you cannot wear that shirt! You will be bullied and mobbed.”

I said, “Aiden, I love you. I’m not going to be afraid to have an opinion, just like I won’t degrade others who think differently than I do.”

And then he hugged me.

Your children hear you. Don’t teach them to be a bully. Teach them love and acceptance. Teach them to stand up for their beliefs and share their reasoning without having to yell or name call.

What’s on your list of political must haves, may not be on mine. And that’s ok.

This year I’m voting for my friends who are scared. Scared that their LGBTQ marriages are at risk. I’m voting for my Vietnam Veteran father who would lose it all just to put my mom who has dementia into a nursing home. I’m voting for BLM protesters who are telling us there is systematic racism in this country that so many are ignorant to. I’m voting for prison reform and for the homeless. I’m voting for those who peacefully practice their religions, but are called terrorists because it looks different to the privileged. I’m voting for families like ours who have two working parents, trying to give their kids a better life. I’m voting for peace. I’m voting for love.

And, I’m wearing my damn shirt. 💙

All the feels.

October 26, 2017October 26, 2017 slowpaceandgrace1 Comment

Capture

I’m sensitive. I have been my entire life. I tried for years to deny it and always considered it an insult if someone called me such thing. I was taught that being sensitive is a bad thing. Realistically, the world at times makes being sensitive into a negative character trait. Look at the nicknames we’ve heard on the news over the last few years. If you feel strongly about something and voice your concern in politics, you’re suddenly dubbed a, “snowflake.” It’s as though people think all humans should consist of ice kings or queens with no emotions at all, or at least with no opinions other than their own. If they do have all the feels, they are too sensitive, wrong, and their voice just doesn’t matter.

I’ve been told to, toughen up, let it go, suck it up, you need thicker skin, or my personal favorite, don’t let things bother you so much. Right.

One of my kiddos is incredibly sensitive. Things just get to him, big and small. I found myself saying to him, “Dude, you need to toughen up.” Then one day, my own words just slapped me right back in the face. I was repeating those same phrases to him! He can’t help being sensitive, it’s who he is! It’s who we both are. I can’t believe I let something that had bothered me my entire life begin to impact him the same way.

I realized at that moment that it’s ok to be sensitive. As a matter of fact, it’s not such a bad thing at all. I’m not weak by any means, neither is my sensitive child. We just seem to feel everything around us more than others. And that’s ok.

Some days I may wish to be an ice queen. It may seem so much easier to not be able to feel anything and to just not care. But, that’s just not who I am. Maybe things do bother me faster than they do others, but at the same time I feel the good things all the more. I’m empathetic and perceptive. I’m aware of those around me, whether they are having an off day or not. I can feel their pain and by having this trait, I’m able to show them that I care.

I don’t want to change anymore and I’ll never tell my kids to toughen up again. I don’t take being sensitive as an insult. Quoting an old Jewel song, “I’m sensitive, and I’d like to stay this way.” I think it’s one of my best characteristics, my kiddo’s too. We all have our place in the world, the tough, the laid back, the outspoken, even the most sensitive. We’re all in this together.

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Blog · forgive · God · Life · live · love · new · opinion · Uncategorized · Wordpress · write

Take down your walls!

August 2, 2017August 2, 2017 slowpaceandgraceLeave a comment

I can’t remember what show it was, but years ago I remember hearing someone refer to their best friend as, “their person.” Their person is the one who they tell all secrets to, go to for all advice. They can call them any time of any day to head to the mall or just walk into the front door without knocking. This person knows all of your secrets, fears, hopes, dreams, kid’s birthdays, and then some. More and more of people I know have somebody like this in their life. Seeing this has made me wonder, geez, why don’t I have a person!?

I’ve always had a lot of friends (acquaintances may be a better word), but never really anybody quite this close (aside from my fantastic husband). I always have wanted this type of friendship, who wouldn’t, but could never figure out what I was doing wrong? Why didn’t people like me enough to call like they do others? Then it hit me, it’s completely my fault. I’m doing it all wrong! My problem is my wall.

I have a ginormous wall up. It’s there, it has barbwire, an electric fence, guards with tasers, attack dogs, anything you can think of to keep people out, this wall has it! Everyone’s a little different, but in my case the reason is all trust. You can only be hurt so many times until eventually this wall just shows up. You may not even realize it’s happening, but it does. There are two things that go hand and hand when this occurs, 1) People may want to be your friend, but they may not understand why you keep pushing them away. This will probably make them stop trying eventually and 2) when you trust God and learn how to forgive others, you will find it easier to let people in!

There it is, that’s what I had to do! Trust God and forgive! Oh, but forgiveness is so hard, isn’t it? There have been a lot of people in my life who hurt me. A lot. Some I don’t speak to and probably will never speak to again. However, I made the decision to forgive. I promise you, when I finally did this, there was a weight that was lifted from my shoulders! All of these years of holding a grudge and being unforgiving probably had no impact at all on these people. You know who it hurt the most? Me.

I was sabotaging my own happiness!

Did the person (which could be “your person”) reaching out to you hurt you? Nope, probably not. Are you being unfair in keeping them away and not being the same friend to them as they want to be to you? YES, yes you are! And, you probably don’t even realize it because you cannot see over that wall!

Forgive and knock those walls down! If you’re having a hard time with this, ask God to give you the strength to forgive. It’s not easy, at all. But, it’ll get you a step closer to finding your person, that is if you want one. Maybe you’re a one-man wolf-pack, if so, forgiveness will free you from the burden of hate! Who wouldn’t want that?

This doesn’t mean you need to keep allowing the same people to hurt you over and over continuously. This just means you are no longer hurting yourself.

Forgiveness really is a beautiful thing.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

– Ephesians 4:31-32

Blog · facebook · God · Life · live · love · new · religion · write

Stop the Scrolling. Look Up!

July 27, 2017July 27, 2017 slowpaceandgraceLeave a comment

Do you ever get caught up scrolling through Facebook, checking out everyone’s posts, seeing how much better their day is compared to yours? Ever wonder why you didn’t choose a life where you didn’t have to work and could stay home with the kids all day? Or, ever wish you stuck by your original career goals and followed the path of becoming a doctor, lawyer, or whatever it was that made you ready to conquer the world? Maybe you think to yourself, “my Lord, that person is so happy every day, all the time! They have such a perfect life. Why can’t I be like that?”

I know I have caught myself doing this on occasion. I have worked full-time, 40+ hours a week since I was 19. While I know for a fact that I did not take an easy path in life, I’ve still always felt a sense of pride in my accomplishments. I love my children and my family, but staying home all day just was not something I wanted to do. I wanted to keep growing in my career, all while being a hands on mama. This balance fed my soul. Life was good!

But, all of a sudden I was hit in the face with social media and a big ol’ can of envy.

I’ve never been jealous or envious, so what’s the deal? Why was I longing to be somebody else? Why was I regretting my choices and second guessing the way I raise my kids? They are well-balanced, smart, and loved. Why am obsessing over the posts of people who are so happy every single day? Why am I wishing to have a bigger, fancier house? Just a few years ago, this little house was my dream because it got us out of a tinier apartment! Why am I wishing for her ability to be thin, or his new job, or their annual vacations? Why does the sight of this person make me feel angry now? Why am I hiding them on Facebook so I don’t have to see their perfect life? Why am I so miserable? Why, why, why!

I realized that I was scrolling and scrolling, admiring all these other people’s highlight reels. That’s all they are, they are highlight reels. All of us go through life. We all go through stuff. Messy stuff at that! However, the first thing we are going to post about are the good things! Obviously! Although we all may rant once and again, for the most part we are using Facebook to brag about the best parts of our days. Why would we share a photos of the kids messing up the house for the 3rd time today? Or the pile of paperwork sitting on your desk, waiting to be attended to? We are only sharing the positive.

So, what’s the balance? Where’s real life? How on earth do we move on from feeling an inch tall?! Should we create a special Facebook reality page with cameras to prove nobody’s life is perfection? No, we shouldn’t because the camera thing is pretty creepy. But, finding reality in a place where there’s virtually no negativity is tricky! I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to quit Facebook. But, all of this envy and jealousy are things we can control. Quitting Facebook is not going to magically erase that hint of longing we feel for a friend’s fancier home. Quitting Facebook isn’t the end all to envy. The answer is within yourself and your ability to look up!

Sometimes we just have to remember that God is going to lead us right where we need to be. This is tough! So, so tough, but it’s true. We are all where we are supposed to be. Instead of asking God, why he seems to be rewarding somebody else instead of you, why not thank Him for giving you everything you have. Why not trust in His ability to know what’s best for you at this time? Maybe there’s a reason you are working all day? Maybe there’s a reason you’re not? It’s all in His plan and once you let go and give all of these destructive feelings of envy to God, you’ll find your contented heart.

Sometimes I do find myself falling into human nature and asking God, why? Why does someone else get something I have longed for or had taken away? But, He always finds a way to remind me there’s a reason. There’s always a reason and with enough prayer and trust, He will come through. He always, always will come through.

So, maybe it is a good idea to step away from scrolling a little bit. However, it could also be a good time to think positive thoughts for the person posting their blessings. Why not say a prayer or two and wish them well, rather than feeling hatred or jealousy? Maybe show some love, rather than hate? At the same time, give a little shout out to God and thank Him for knowing what’s best for your heart.

Don’t trust what you see all day on Facebook. Put your trust in Him and He will show you the way. There’s no status in the world that can compete with that!

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” – Galatians 5:22-26

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beach · Blog · Body · Life · live · mom · opinion · summer · Uncategorized · woman · write

Get your swimsuit on, mama.

July 15, 2017July 15, 2017 slowpaceandgraceLeave a comment

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Sandy toes, crashing waves, and seagulls flying above. The sun’s warmth is blanketing your skin. It’s 90 degrees and you’re sitting in your beach chair, toes in the sand. You peek over your sunglasses at all the beach goers, waist deep in the water. Why are you still in the sand when you could be cooling down in the crisp, Atlantic water?

Swimsuits. That’s why. The person above was me.

I cannot tell you how many years I was envious over people brave enough to throw a bathing suit on. They really didn’t care what anyone thought, they were just enjoying their beach days. I was too busy sweltering, in my capris and t-shirt, more than likely with a towel draped over my lap concealing myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t like swimming, I did! It was because I was petrified that everyone would be staring at me.

First of all, I’m not that important that the world would feel the need to stare. However, many of us women have this mental image of ourselves being 10 ft tall in the middle of the beach with a Superbowl sized audience watching our next move. Here’s a newsflash, it doesn’t happen. Most people are just people watching like you were earlier. They probably aren’t judging you. There’s a little negative voice inside of you that likes to show itself and tell you otherwise. We’ll call that voice the enemy. The enemy can go find a great white shark to hang with. We need to learn to silence it.

Back to swimsuits. Why are we covering ourselves up because we don’t have a perfect body? Baby weight, cellulite, bingo wings, pale skin, freckles, whatever it is we are trying to cover up, is it worth it? Is it worth feeling the freedom of swimming in the ocean, a lake, or a pool? Chances are it’s not.

I was that girl. I was that girl in high school when I was the smallest I have ever been. I was that girl after my first child was born and again after my second. I started to continue being her after my third child was born and something clicked. This life we have? Well, it’s pretty darn short. Why in the world am I covering myself up over what people will think of my body. MY body! It’s mine! I worked hard and earned every scar, every ounce of weight I gained probably has a story. A memory that I or my children will carry with them forever! Do I want one of those memories to be of mommy refusing to wear a bathing suit to swim with them? Nope. It’s not happening anymore. I won’t do it to myself, but most of all I don’t want to damage them!

Going back to the people who may judge you or make a comment, there’s one thing to remember: Their problem is not with your cellulite. It’s not with your lack of muscles. It’s not with your extra weight. Their real problem is their inability to love their own self. I guarantee you that people who are truly comfortable in their own skin, who don’t criticize every detail of their body, I guarantee they will not make a comment about another person’s body. They’ll see you for who you are, not for what your body looks like.

Don’t lose memories focusing on not having that thigh gap or six pack. Make memories, mama. Go get that swimsuit on and get in the water!

Gentleman, this goes for you too! Get in there!

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