You’re hurting. It’s hard to explain the pain you’re feeling to those around you because it may be really hard for them to understand. You may hear words like, “you’re fine,” or “you have everything, why are you acting like this?” Sometimes it feels as though there’s an unseen force weighing down every part of your body, causing you not to move. Some days all you feel like doing is staring at the wall. You’re not lazy, you just cannot make yourself move. You may function just enough to go to work or school, you get through the day as much as you can, but it’s so incredibly hard. But, they may call you lazy. They may say it’s just an excuse. But, my Lord, you know it’s not. Maybe you’re a United States soldier. They think all should be ok because you’re back now, right?! They think the war is behind you. They can’t see the sights hidden behind the lids of your eyes. They can’t hear the sounds you’ve heard. But, you’re home now. That’s how it’s supposed to work, isn’t it?
You cry. Maybe you breakdown in public. Maybe you bottle it up until you are hiding in the shower, safe to let it all out. You may need to hide it because in your mind you cannot let someone see the pain! Maybe you have someone who checks in and understands you’re not ok, but it hurts even more to bother them with it. They say talk to me anytime, I’ll be here for you, but in your mind you know they cannot possibly mean it! The last thing you want to do is burden somebody with your tears, so you hold it in again. The pressure. So much pressure.
You’re alone. You feel like they think you’re weird, or maybe they’ve told you. You stay to yourself, yet still feel like you stick out. You’re different. You’re the misfit child or lone wolf at work. You’re the one who isn’t very social and not the first one to greet a room full of people. They don’t see the broken. You bottle up the pain.
You want to end it all. You get to the breaking point where it’s too much pain, too much to take. The shadows keep getting darker and you just don’t see a light. You no longer want to be a burden to your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, children, friends, parents, anyone anymore. You think this is the solution. You think this will solve it all. You’ve had enough, it’s not worth the fight. Alone.
My friend, you’re not alone!
These words, these thoughts and feelings, they are not truth! You may feel alone, but you are oh so loved! It’s so hard to fight through the tears, through the pain to see it, but there is a light shining down on you. Whether or not you believe in God, He is always there. He is a lighthouse, just waiting for you in the midst of the storm. He is on your side and you are loved by Him no matter what.
There are people on your side. I guarantee even though you feel as though you are a bother or the world would be best served without you, that is a lie! Those people who reach out to you and tell you that it’s safe to talk to them? Take them up on it! Chances are they love you and again it’s that enemy filling your head with these lies.
Things can be bad. Pain can be unbearable, but you can get through the battle. You can get through this and use the pain as a way to help another person in the same situation! Choosing to end it all is not the way. It’s not the solution to anything. It’s going to transfer your pain to your mother, your father, your husband, wife, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, children! You can get through this!
Maybe you are somebody I know. Maybe you are a stranger. You are loved by me and even if you think that’s not possible because we haven’t met, it’s truth. Every person in this world deserves to be here. Every. Single. Person. You my friend, are worth it.
Please do not give up.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)
- Crisis Textline: Text “HOME” to 741-741
- NSPL Online Chat Services
- American Indians/Alaskan Natives (external link)
- Veterans (external link to information, crisis chat and phone services)
- Seniors (external link)
Please refer to http://www.save.org for more resources and information on Suicide Awareness.
You belong in this world!
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