Blog · Life · live · love · mom · opinion · write

All the feels.

Capture

I’m sensitive. I have been my entire life.  I tried for years to deny it and always considered it an insult if someone called me such thing.  I was taught that being sensitive is a bad thing.  Realistically, the world at times makes being sensitive into a negative character trait. Look at the nicknames we’ve heard on the news over the last few years.  If you feel strongly about something and voice your concern in politics, you’re suddenly dubbed a, “snowflake.”  It’s as though people think all humans should consist of ice kings or queens with no emotions at all, or at least with no opinions other than their own.  If they do have all the feels, they are too sensitive, wrong, and their voice just doesn’t matter.

I’ve been told to, toughen up, let it go, suck it up, you need thicker skin, or my personal favorite, don’t let things bother you so much.  Right.

One of my kiddos is incredibly sensitive. Things just get to him, big and small.  I found myself saying to him, “Dude, you need to toughen up.”  Then one day, my own words just slapped me right back in the face.  I was repeating those same phrases to him!  He can’t help being sensitive, it’s who he is!  It’s who we both are. I can’t believe I let something that had bothered me my entire life begin to impact him the same way.

I realized at that moment that it’s ok to be sensitive.  As a matter of fact, it’s not such a bad thing at all. I’m not weak by any means, neither is my sensitive child.  We just seem to feel everything around us more than others.  And that’s ok.

Some days I may wish to be an ice queen. It may seem so much easier to not be able to feel anything and to just not care.  But, that’s just not who I am.  Maybe things do bother me faster than they do others, but at the same time I feel the good things all the more.  I’m empathetic and perceptive.  I’m aware of those around me, whether they are having an off day or not.  I can feel their pain and by having this trait, I’m able to show them that I care.

I don’t want to change anymore and I’ll never tell my kids to toughen up again. I don’t take being sensitive as an insult.  Quoting an old Jewel song, “I’m sensitive, and I’d like to stay this way.”  I think it’s one of my best characteristics, my kiddo’s too.  We all have our place in the world, the tough, the laid back, the outspoken, even the most sensitive.  We’re all in this together.

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beach · Blog · Body · Life · live · mom · opinion · summer · Uncategorized · woman · write

Get your swimsuit on, mama.

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Sandy toes, crashing waves, and seagulls flying above.  The sun’s warmth is blanketing your skin.  It’s 90 degrees and you’re sitting in your beach chair, toes in the sand.  You peek over your sunglasses at all the beach goers, waist deep in the water.   Why are you still in the sand when you could be cooling down in the crisp, Atlantic water?

Swimsuits.  That’s why.   The person above was me.

I cannot tell you how many years I was envious over people brave enough to throw a bathing suit on.  They really didn’t care what anyone thought, they were just enjoying their beach days.  I was too busy sweltering, in my capris and t-shirt, more than likely with a towel draped over my lap concealing myself.  It wasn’t that I didn’t like swimming, I did!  It was because I was petrified that everyone would be staring at me.

First of all, I’m not that important that the world would feel the need to stare.  However, many of us women have this mental image of ourselves being 10 ft tall in the middle of the beach with a Superbowl sized audience watching our next move.  Here’s a newsflash, it doesn’t happen.  Most people are just people watching like you were earlier.  They probably aren’t judging you.  There’s a little negative voice inside of you that likes to show itself and tell you otherwise.  We’ll call that voice the enemy.  The enemy can go find a great white shark to hang with.  We need to learn to silence it.

Back to swimsuits.  Why are we covering ourselves up because we don’t have a perfect body?  Baby weight, cellulite, bingo wings, pale skin, freckles, whatever it is we are trying to cover up, is it worth it?  Is it worth feeling the freedom of swimming in the ocean, a lake, or a pool?  Chances are it’s not.

I was that girl.  I was that girl in high school when I was the smallest I have ever been.  I was that girl after my first child was born and again after my second.  I started to continue being her after my third child was born and something clicked.  This life we have?  Well, it’s pretty darn short.  Why in the world am I covering myself up over what people will think of my body.  MY body!  It’s mine!  I worked hard and earned every scar, every ounce of weight I gained probably has a story.  A memory that I or my children will carry with them forever!  Do I want one of those memories to be of mommy refusing to wear a bathing suit to swim with them?  Nope.  It’s not happening anymore.  I won’t do it to myself, but most of all I don’t want to damage them!

Going back to the people who may judge you or make a comment, there’s one thing to remember:  Their problem is not with your cellulite.  It’s not with your lack of muscles.  It’s not with your extra weight.  Their real problem is their inability to love their own self.  I guarantee you that people who are truly comfortable in their own skin, who don’t criticize every detail of their body, I guarantee they will not make a comment about another person’s body.  They’ll see you for who you are, not for what your body looks like.

Don’t lose memories focusing on not having that thigh gap or six pack.  Make memories, mama.  Go get that swimsuit on and get in the water!

Gentleman, this goes for you too!  Get in there!

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Blog · God · Life · mom · new · woman · write

A new blog.

Bench Reading

It always amazes me when people ask me when I’m going to write again.  I’ve always loved putting my thoughts to paper, but never really gave it a thought to share with others.  When a friend mentioned blogging to me 10 years ago, I didn’t think I would be interesting enough.   However, I took her advice and tried it.

I had a lot of feed back on that blog.  I posted about love and loss, divorce and marriage, being adopted, the comedies of having children, finding confidence, ignoring the ignorant, and more.  I love that blog.  However, it’s hard for me to re-visit it now.   It’s hard to find new material when posts from 8 years ago pop up.  I’m grateful for those lessons, but I don’t want to see them anymore.

Writing during those years was incredibly therapeutic.  At that point in time, I was in my 20’s and going through some moments that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  Visiting that page brings those thoughts and feelings back and I really don’t want to go back.  I’m so happy that my words helped to inspire others, but I am a completely different person now.  I’m a woman who has grown up, a woman who is still learning about herself each day, and most importantly, a woman who has recently found God.

I know.  I feel like nowadays it’s not acceptable to speak about Him, but I will here.  Gone are the days where I let the opinions of those behind keyboards impact my own personal thoughts.  They can have their thoughts, whether they be negative or positive.  And the beautiful thing is, I can have mine too!  I’m no longer going to delete a post because a reader is upset that I posted my opinion on the meaning of Christmas (yes, that happened).  This blog is my heart speaking and I am not going to silence it.

Slowpaceandgrace.com is something I have been thinking about for a while now.   All of those thoughts of self-doubt that we all tend to have kept sneaking into my daydreams. I’ve finally stomped on those thoughts and here we are!   I’ll still be writing about confidence, life, and kiddos.  I’ll also be adding in recipes, health topics, lifestyle changes (aka the hundreds of diets I have tried), and more.

I hope to meet new people with my posts, just like I did before.  I also hope to catch the eye of some of you that have read my posts in the past!  This is just for fun and I am so ready to start this fresh, a brand new Chapter 1.