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Who’s Got Your Back?


24 hours are in a day.  8 of those hours we use for sleep (unless you are a parent in which case you are lucky to reach 4-6 solid hours.  It does get better as they grow up, I promise).  After factoring in our 8 hours of sleep, we have 16 hours left in our day.  In all honesty, how much time do you waste thinking about people who  have had a negative impact on your life?

Speaking on behalf of myself, I spend hours thinking about these people.  I focus on things that have been said about my character by people who do not know me.  People who claim to have been friends or family who now are complete strangers saying hateful, negative, untruthful things about me, I think about them.  People who have hurt me, people I have cried over, people who have convinced other people who I love to believe lies without speaking with me first, I think about them.

I spend my precious time thinking about the minds of the ignorant, of those who are not saved, of those who cannot forgive.  I spend my time thinking about those with malicious intent, who do not want to hear any story aside from their own.  I am thinking about them.

16 precious hours that I am awake during the day, I am spending my energy on people who do not want the best for me.  People who would love to see me fall.  People who spread lies about me.  People who have no faith in me.

Why do I do this?  Why do we do this?  Something within me needs to shift.  And with God, we can make that happen.

Who are the ones near you when you hurt?  Who lingers a few minutes after church just for a chance to say, “hi, how’s life for you lately?”  Who sends you a text now and then just to check in to make sure you are ok?  Why are we ignoring these people just to focus on those who will never love us.  Why not shift that energy and focus to the ones always there?  The ones we may take for granted because we are trying to figure out where those other relationships went wrong or trying to figure out why they are saying such negative things without even properly knowing you?  The real you?  The real you that these other people know and love and want to be around?

We can shift this energy into positive.  We have control over our own minds.  Not those who are against us, not the enemy, not our own self-doubt.  We have full control over our minds and we can choose to focus on the positive.  It’s not going to be easy!  Is anything like this ever easy?  No!  But, through Him we can focus on who He has placed within our reach!  It’s just a matter of focus, perseverance and faith!

Let go of those who have ill intentions towards you.  It’s not our job to change their minds!  Pray.  Pray for yourself, pray for them.  But, we need to let the negative go.  Let it be and control our own paths.  I don’t want to continue focusing my precious 16 hours a day on who loathes me or who thinks they know my story.  I know my story.  God knows my story.  Those who love and want the best for me are who I intend to spend my time on.  I’m focusing on those who fill the bucket with love, not the ones who drill the holes in it.

Forgive those who have hurt you, but focus and love those who are always there.  16 hours sounds like a long time, but it flashes by so quickly.  Don’t waste it worrying about the negative.  Use it thinking about who will be by your side when you conquer the world.  They’ve got you, He’s got you.  Look for them, you may be surprised by who has always been there that you have never noticed before.

“In the end, you’ll know which people really love you.  They’re the ones who see you for who you are and no matter what, always find a way to be at your side.”


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70 x 7 – Forgive them.


It’s inevitable in life that we are going to be hurt at some point. Whether intentionally or not, it happens.  It starts out at a young age, maybe someone on the Kindergarten playground wouldn’t share.  After some tears and a talk with your teacher, sorries were exchanged and you probably continued playing without a grudge.  If only that were the case as a grown up!

Kids are much more resilient and forgiving than we are as adults. In some cases, you may get hurt over and over and over again by the same person.  How do we presently handle these situations?  How should we handle them?  Do we fight back knowing that they won’t listen to our words anyway?  Do we plea with them to hear our side of the story?  Do we update our Facebook status vocalizing our side for the world to see, just to have some validation from somebody?

I’m starting to learn how to handle these things with God’s grace.  It is hard.  It is so incredibly hard.  And sometimes I fail at it.  When people attack you or your loved ones, who wouldn’t want to fight back!  Sometimes  I hit reply faster than my hands can type.   Why should I allow lies to be spread?  I should say something!  I should fight back!  They don’t even know us!  Let’s end the rumors, tell our side!

I should…. lower myself to their level?

For who? To continue fighting back and forth with somebody that doesn’t understand is almost as bad as them spreading lies to begin with.  It’s fueling the fire.  The fire that you need to put out.  If you don’t, you’ll never feel at peace.

The thing is, people are always going to be there to remind you of mistakes that you made in your past. True or false, some people love to bring these things all back up to the surface.  It’s hard sometimes to be reminded of the hurt and pain.  Regardless, you still need to forgive them.   If not for them, for God and for yourself.

As hard as it may be, you hold your head up high, bite your tongue, and let them believe what they wish. It was never between you and them anyway. It’s always been and always will be between you and the Lord.  Put up your shield and repel their hateful words and thoughts.

Matthew 18:21-22 says, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven!”

That’s a lot of forgiveness. That’s a lot of pride and ego set aside.  That’s a lot of letting go of hurt without validation.  But, it’s possible.  If Jesus can forgive all of those who have sinned against Him, we can forgive those who sin against us.  It’s hard.  So very difficult to do.  But, the good news is we are not alone.  God is with us every step of the way and He knows the truth.  When you hit your knees and you cannot take any more of their painful words, look up.  He’ll hold you and help you back up to your feet.

Get back up, dust yourself off.  Look up, forgive them, forgive yourself, let it go and keep moving forward!

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

– Lewis B Smedes

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Take down your walls!


I can’t remember what show it was, but years ago I remember hearing someone refer to their best friend as, “their person.”  Their person is the one who they tell all secrets to, go to for all advice.  They can call them any time of any day to head to the mall or just walk into the front door without knocking.  This person knows all of your secrets, fears, hopes, dreams, kid’s birthdays, and then some.  More and more of people I know have somebody like this in their life.  Seeing this has made me wonder, geez, why don’t I have a person!?

I’ve always had a lot of friends (acquaintances may be a better word), but never really anybody quite this close (aside from my fantastic husband).  I always have wanted this type of friendship, who wouldn’t, but could never figure out what I was doing wrong? Why didn’t people like me enough to call like they do others?  Then it hit me, it’s completely my fault.  I’m doing it all wrong!  My problem is my wall.

I have a ginormous wall up.  It’s there, it has barbwire, an electric fence, guards with tasers, attack dogs, anything you can think of to keep people out, this wall has it!  Everyone’s a little different, but in my case the reason is all trust.  You can only be hurt so many times until eventually this wall just shows up.  You may not even realize it’s happening, but it does.  There are two things that go hand and hand when this occurs, 1) People may want to be your friend, but they may not understand why you keep pushing them away.  This will probably make them stop trying eventually and 2) when you trust God and learn how to forgive others, you will find it easier to let people in!

There it is, that’s what I had to do! Trust God and forgive!  Oh, but forgiveness is so hard, isn’t it?  There have been a lot of people in my life who hurt me.  A lot.  Some I don’t speak to and probably will never speak to again.  However, I made the decision to forgive.  I promise you, when I finally did this, there was a weight that was lifted from my shoulders!  All of these years of holding a grudge and being unforgiving probably had no impact at all on these people. You know who it hurt the most?  Me.

I was sabotaging my own happiness!

Did the person (which could be “your person”) reaching out to you hurt you?  Nope, probably not.  Are you being unfair in keeping them away and not being the same friend to them as they want to be to you?  YES, yes you are!  And, you probably don’t even realize it because you cannot see over that wall!

Forgive and knock those walls down!  If you’re having a hard time with this, ask God to give you the strength to forgive.  It’s not easy, at all.  But, it’ll get you a step closer to finding your person, that is if you want one.  Maybe you’re a one-man wolf-pack, if so, forgiveness will free you from the burden of hate!  Who wouldn’t want that?

This doesn’t mean you need to keep allowing the same people to hurt you over and over continuously. This just means you are no longer hurting yourself.

Forgiveness really is a beautiful thing.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

– Ephesians 4:31-32